TEEN PREGNANCY: REGRET TO REDEMPTION

I had just started my senior year of high school. Everything was falling in place to be the best year yet. I was crazy in love with my boyfriend, I had great friends, I loved all my extracurricular activities, I was lined up to be accepted to my number one college pick, everything was great. Everything was perfect. Then things changed. In two minutes my whole world turned completely upside down.

teen pregnancy, teenage pregnancy, pregnancy, teen mom, abortion

I was a month into my senior year of high school when I found out I was pregnant. Terrified. Ashamed. Crushed. When I saw the test was positive, I couldn’t pick myself up off the floor. I couldn’t stop the tears. What was I going to do? What is my boyfriend going to say? My parents are going to be so mad. I was 17 years old. I was a baby, how could I have a baby? I knew nothing about life, about parenting, about marriage. I couldn’t be a mother. This can’t be happening. The thought of telling my parents was paralyzing, I couldn’t move. Everything had changed so quickly.

When I told my boyfriend, he was shocked. All his dreams and plans flew out the window. He had just started college, he was just figuring out what he wanted to do with his life, and then it was suddenly decided for him. What were his parents going to say? How was his little sister going to react? She’s going to hate me. His whole family will, my whole family will. There was so much fear in my life, so many questions. I had no idea what I was going to do. Telling my parents that I was pregnant was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. The disappointment in my dads voice, the tears in my mom eyes, it was devastating. I was such a failure. Things would never be the same.

I was in a dark place. I was confused, I was lonely, I was embarrassed. I couldn’t pray. No way the Lord wanted to talk to me. He was disgraced by me. I knew having sex was wrong, I heard the Lord tell me not to do it, and I ignored Him. I blew my chance to be right with the Lord. I was on my own now.

The weeks went by, a baby growing inside me. Still no idea what I was going to do. I couldn’t get rid of it, but I definitely couldn’t keep it. There were so many voices coming at me from all sides. But one voice kept standing out to me, one thought kept coming to the front of my mind. Redemption. Redemption. Redemption.The Lord kept speaking that word into my life. I kept hearing it. But I didn’t think it was for me. There’s no way it could be for me. I knew the Lord had the power to redeem any sin, any mistake. But I didn’t think He could fix this one. I knew that Jesus died for sins, but not this one. The enemy had me surrounded with lies. He told me that my life was over. I had gone too far. I was on my own. I believed them all. Every lie that was spoken to me, I believed.

But the Lord was fighting for me. Every second, every moment, He was there. Redemption was never far from where I was. I see that now, but I didn’t see it then. One day it had gotten to be too much. I was tired. I was tired from all the voices, all the opinions, all the pressure. So much pressure. I thought maybe enough time had passed that the Lord would be willing to hear me. So I quit listening to all the voices, I was quiet, I was still. I asked Jesus to forgive me, and to show me what to do. And from the second I said His name, I felt different. Everything didn’t get better right away, all my problems didn’t disappear, but something was different. Something was definitely different.

I wasn’t alone. I had felt so distant from everyone around me. I felt like no one understood what I was going through. There were always people coming up to me to tell me that they supported me, but I always felt alone. Then the Lord showed me He was there. He was with me and for me, and He loved me so much. He loved the baby too. He had plans for her. He had plans for me too. At first I thought my dreams were over. I thought that everything I wanted was gone. I feared that my whole identity would be a teen wife and mom. I feared growing up in such a short amount of time, and all the fun I was missing out on. But the Lord revealed new dreams to me, put others on hold, and fulfilled so much more. He taught me how to be a child of God. He taught me how to dream for His glory. But most importantly, He showed me that my identity is in Him and Him alone. I am defined by Him, not by what I didn’t get to do or what I missed out on.

I am not ashamed. I spent a lot of time hiding. I stayed inside with my daughter. I would only go out to see family. I didn’t want to make any mom friends because I feared their judgement. I even lied about my age, a lot. I didn’t want to be a teen mom, I just wanted to be a mom. But the Lord redeemed me. He turned my guilt and shame into a blessing. He taught how to mother fearlessly and love fiercely.

I can’t imagine my life being any different than how it is. I wouldn’t want it to be. God took my sin and turned it into the best thing that has ever happened to me. Something that was full of shame and regret into something beautiful. I am now married to the best man, and I have two beautiful children. I am so thankful to the Lord for who He is. His grace and mercies are never ending. He is so good.

Thanks for reading the beginning of my story. I hope it brought you some encouragement. No matter what you’re going through in life, the Lord is with you always. He can redeem any shame, and is ready to forgive any sin, all you have to do is ask.

Love y’all

“The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of the Lord stands forever.” Isaiah 40:8

 

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22 Comments

    • November 13, 2016 / 8:17 PM

      Thank you for reading! I love redemption stories as well!

  1. November 13, 2016 / 4:45 PM

    Jamie,
    This resonated with me so much because I too was a teen mom. I DO know how you felt and had the same type of fears and shame. God restored everything that I broke and redeemed me by His amazing grace. He is too good for words. I’m so glad you shared this. Thank you for having courage 🙂

    • November 13, 2016 / 8:18 PM

      Wow! I didn’t know that! I’d love to hear about your story sometime 🙂

  2. Milana
    November 13, 2016 / 9:11 PM

    Wow. This really was touching to read because I relate to it all so much. Here in Texas, I currently have a son and just found out I’m pregnant again. We are still together but not married and my family is very conservative. They don’t want me to visit them anymore now that they know I’m having another, until I get married to the father of my children but I can’t force him to marry me. I feel completely distant from God. I so know he’s there but I feel like he can’t forgive me because by moving in with my boyfriend I’ll be living in constant sin. It’s hard on me. Being a mother and single mother is hard! I love my son but there’s nothing like raising children. Ugh but this was a good read during my situation.

    • November 14, 2016 / 10:11 AM

      Wow, I’m so glad you shared. Please feel free to personally email me if you would like to talk more. Jamie@theflowersfade.com
      That is really hard, I’d love to talk more privately. But just know that the Lord LOVES you unconditionally. He hears your cries and knows your heart and He wants nothing more than you live a life with Him. He has plans for your babies, and loves and cares for them intimately. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

  3. Deborah
    November 13, 2016 / 9:40 PM

    Love this. Love you sweet mama. Glad you shared how Gods grace covers all sin. Through your faithfulness he brought redemption. He has used you and your brokenness to speak to teen moms . What a blessing you are to those who have not yet found Gods grace.

  4. November 14, 2016 / 1:34 PM

    Jamie, I too was a teen mom. Can relate to you for sure. God is so good to us. Brining healing of forgiving ourselves and opportunity of redemption. Thank you for sharing!

  5. December 5, 2016 / 8:45 PM

    Jamie this is beautiful! I love reading stories of God’s amazing grace! He really is with us through everything, and look how He is using your story as such an encouragement to others! I am so thankful that He helped you overcome the enemy’s lies and to share your story for HIS glory!!

    • December 7, 2016 / 5:53 PM

      Thank you! I appreciate your kind words! He is SO good and deserves all the glory. I love the quote “because he bends down to listen, I will never stop praising him.” I love that, I try to follow it daily.

  6. January 6, 2017 / 5:09 PM

    I’m so glad you were able to stop and listen to God. I’m really trying to understand this side of things better so that if God puts a young teen mum in my path, I can minister to them better and not be condemning but lead them to Jesus and His redemption

    • January 6, 2017 / 6:58 PM

      The best thing you can do is offer your friendship! As a teen mom, I was so desperate for a mommy friend who would treat me like another mom, not a teenager.

  7. January 16, 2017 / 9:40 AM

    Such an encouraging message! I had my first child at seventeen too, I can totally remember feeling all of those same emotions.
    The Lord is so good though! He takes our mistakes, and turns them into blessings.

  8. January 16, 2017 / 3:30 PM

    This part is exquisite. “I didn’t want to be a teen mom, I just wanted to be a mom. But the Lord redeemed me. He turned my guilt and shame into a blessing. He taught how to mother fearlessly and love fiercely.”

  9. January 29, 2017 / 12:15 PM

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing the rawness of your own story. Paul’s words “In my weakness, he will be glorified,” come to mind. What a challenging situation and how vulnerable you must have felt, but it is evident that has been glorified in you as a mother <3 I've been around a lot of teen moms and young moms in my lifetime. I have so much respect for you and other women in your shoes who experience this.
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  10. February 4, 2017 / 6:47 PM

    This is so beautiful! This story needs to be shared because there are SO many teen moms out there and they feel the same! They feel like they’ve let God down and now there’s no turning back. I hope this story goes viral<3 Absolutely beautiful!

  11. February 12, 2017 / 11:06 AM

    I love this powerful redemption story. Like some people are suckers for chick flicks, I’m a sucker for a good ol fashion story of Jesus literally rescues you from all the shame and guilt. I know exactly what it feels like to seek redemption, through my rape, and I’m so glad you were bold and brave with your story. Our Heavenly Father is awesome!

    • February 12, 2017 / 7:22 PM

      I totally agree! I love those kind of stories too. Do you have a redemption story on your blog? I’d love to read it.

  12. Staci
    September 10, 2017 / 5:00 AM

    Thank you. My daughter is a grown woman now, its hard to believe. I had her at 16. reading your blog brought back that whirlwind of emotion. I never became bitter and tried to trust in God during all of it. I realized after reading your article, that I’m carrying so much guilt and shame 30 years later. Thank you for being such a blessing to many teen moms who feel the shame and regret. Many of us need a reminder (like yours) that God is in control.
    My daughter became a wonderful adult! She served in the United States Navy (which I’m extremely proud of). She is married and now a mother of three beautiful babies. Yes, Im a grandma at 46 and so proud! My grand babies call me Grammy! we get some looks and stares when they are screaming Grammy, but I don’t care. The love that I have in my life is truly a blessing.

    Thank you! God Bless you and your daughter.

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